I'm just a semi mental fool...

i was going to post tonight about my experiences with Social Security (eep!), but I am sad. So much lost, in lives and property and HISTORY. I saw a show on PBS about the fears about this very occurance... deadly and unavoidable. That they are evacuating the entire city is shocking. Where are these people to go? How do they get out? sigh.. I'm too tired and sad tonight...

mizm

Oh how I hate new shoes...

Not all of my entries are going to be deep and meaningful . Tonight I want to talk about new shoes.

When I was a child... many eons ago, new shoes were a thing of joy. Little Mary Janes; tiny shiny symbols of, if not afluence, at least comfort. We used to go to the Buster Brown machine and stick our tiny feet in the little slots and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES, we could see the bones in our feet! The machinery that created these happy happy joy joy occasions fills me with dread today. I blame at LEAST my bone spurs on the radiation. and heaven knows what else (wait! did I NEVER HAVE CHILDREN?? OMG!).

Then came the shoes. The aforementioned Mary Janes were, of course, only for GOOD occasions (church, parties, dress up and holidays, when overindulgence of food might make a splatter or two, but it was easily cleanable). The Buster Browns were for school and any other occasion that did not require looking good. I don't remember liking the Buster Browns...

Through the years I have had various sorts of new shoes. When I was younger and fitter, I wore 4 1/2 inch black spiked heels. Frequently. I shake my head at the very thought. I DO remember liking those '"Bustem' Browns". When I lived in Hawaii, I owned one pair of flip flops. I removed them every time I set foot in someone's house (or my own). You always knew your own flip flops. as they held the imprint of your foot like an inexpensive pair of orthotics . I may have had a pair of 'sneakers', but I doubt it.

When I returned from Hawaii, I started a period of sensible shoes. Boring.. and then the bone spurs kicked in. (reference the above mentioned Buster Brown machine, although now that I think of it, the 4 inch heels MIGHT have contributed). From the advent of pain, I have worn those expensive 'tennis shoes'. (I got called on using that name for them by some smarmy little shoe salesman in a tiny midwest town. He must have had nothing else to do that year... )

Today I had to buy new shoes. I hate buying new shoes. They now cost more than my first automobile,once you figure in the orthotics, and by the time I realize that they really DON'T fit very well, they are too worn to return.

I want a pair of Mary Janes.

Shiny Tiny Gleaming Black Mary Janes...

sigh...

Save the last dance for me...

When I am old I shall
fall
in love for the first and only time.
It will be
the love of a century
two people so electrically charged
that anyone who looks upon us will imagine
that we have been
in
love
forever
years and years of love so intense that it has left marks


they will envy us
every time they think of us

He will be a small man
neat
and precise
with an incredible sense
of humor
and himself
wearing suspenders and
occasionally
a hat

or

he will be large
and
comfortable
with rough calloused hands and a
big heart
warm and less concerned about
the unimportant

or

he will seem ordinary
unremarkable
unique
only to me

We shall spend
a lot of
time
dancing
or
walking in the rain
or
singing in the shower
or
doing all those
things that are associated
with younger lovers

People will comment

We

will only smile...

I enticed my Mom to go on a 'field trip' today with some of the ladies from the assisted living facility. They were going to listen to Big Band music and there would be dancing. Mom is in a wheelchair, which means that it is difficult to get her on the list to do things. and she can't dance... sigh... I sold her on it when I visited this morning, and called her tonight at our usual time (I have to let her know when Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune are on.. or not). She also can't talk. I'd take talking over dancing any day. She did indicate, however, with careful questioning, that she had a good time today. I'm happy now... and sad all at the same time.

DWILA (even though it was Santa Monica)

Our little on line community came together today for lunch. Well, some of us were able to meet, while others stayed wherever they stay in the middle of the day and were envious. We are calling this DWILA (Deadwood in Los Angeles) after the infamous DWIDW (no, you have to figure that one out for yourself).

We met at Pedals, a restaurant in Santa Monica that is smack on the ocean. With all our usual consideration, the Los Angeles people took the side of the table with the view of the ocean, leaving those who had traveled from far to crane their necks uncomfortably all afternoon, trying to catch a glimpse of that elusive sand and sea. We're nothing if not aware...

The group is a wonderfully eclectic mix, all female to start. We had people from as far away as New York and Boston; as close as Los Angeles and Manhattan Beach, and a few from the outskirts of this burgeoning city. We were smart to meet in Santa Monica, as it was the hottest day of the season... so far... We hugged and talked and marveled at how much we looked like our postings. We hugged and talked and marveled at how little we looked like our postings. Some people surprised the hell out of me, and others I felt as if I'd already met. Deadwood names? .. hmm..let me see.. Me, bonho, Dusty, Sweet Sophie, the Shriek, Sunday's Child and rskoo. Is that 7?...The surprise of the day was a tall, slender man with a huge camera who approached our table and asked if he could sit down... Don Logan!. Just flew out from Boston for lunch (and the concert tonight, of course). What a treat! It's amazing how familiar these people can be with only typed conversations as introductions. Just as we were leaving, Ahalya and her companion (I say this because, in all the flurry of introductions, I did not get his name or relationship). Ok . that's a lie.... I GOT his name and, concerned with what kind of impression *I* was making, promptly forgot it. Yes, Virginia, it IS all about me....

They went trotting off to nap before the concert tonight and I went home, filled with the joy of clever and warm conversation, and with just a little better knowledge of these people I call friends.

Here we go...

Well, now all I have to do is get used to this laptop and I think I'm on my way. It's not an easy thing for these old fingers, but at least I know how it's supposed to work.

A Blog, I have learned in the past few months, is a way to spill whatever you want to say and not have someone interrupting. As a consummate talker, I admire this in principal... as a person in desperate need of an audience... well, I have my doubts! I started this as a way to do a diary of my soon to be trip around the United States. The goal of the trip, other than the obvious, is to visit some of the people I have met on the internet-primarily in the Deadwood posting threads. For those of you who might fall upon this in a drunken frenzy some night and don't know my story, I met these people while caring for my mother, who had several strokes in the last few years. The on line people were invaluable in saving what was left of my sanity, and I am going to pay them back, one by unsuspecting one!

I'm done for today. I still have so much to do to figure out this new computer... eep! I am not fond of new. I like my comfort zones and this is NOT a part of one yet. It will be... no... really... it will... I promise.

mizmarilyn